I realized that the desire and drive would be dead, motionless, words, and concepts without my fearlessness propelling them into action. Being fearless in my desire and drive to stay here wasn't a conscious decision, it was just something I did.

My friends are women that I trust, confide in and love like they’re family. They’re my support system and I just couldn’t imagine my life without them. Before moving I was nervous about leaving my family and friends, learning a new language and adapting to a new culture but I was mostly terrified that I wouldn’t make any friends.

Dating is hard. I doubt that anyone would beg to differ but it’s kind of a necessary evil if you want to move on, right? I find dating hard because you’re putting on a show. You have to be your best looking, most interesting, and seemingly sane self. So we’ve established that dating is hard, so imagine combining that with being in your 30s, one marriage behind you, the abundance of dating apps AND sprinkle on top of that a little language and cultural difference.

Homesick /ˈhoʊmˌsɪk/ (adjective)- longing for home and family while absent from them.

That’s the Merriam-Webster’s definition of homesick, but does it hold true, or have as much weight, when it is a conscious decision to live far away from your home and all of the things that have made you, you?

“Ummmmm est-ce que vous parlez anglais?”

For a long time that was my opening line whenever I was in a situation where I had to speak French. I know that sounds ridiculous and obnoxious, why live in a country and not even try to speak the language? It’s not that I wasn’t trying in my daily life - well actually yes I wasn’t trying. I wasn’t trying because I didn’t need to.

In this episode, I talk about excess. Too much of anything isn’t good for you, right? Even if it feels good at the moment. Initially, I found it very difficult to be at peace and accept my new reality, so I did what any young and newly single woman in Paris would do. I partied. A lot. Until it became too much and I started to lose myself.

This is my Paris comfort meal so I found it very fitting for the first Dinner For One episode. It's a very important and special dish for me because it was one of the first meals my former mother-in-law made for me and I immediately felt welcomed and loved. So although I am now living this Paris experience alone I feel, spiritually at least, that I am being guided and helped on this journey by all of the amazing, strong, women that are a part of my life.